Probably, Probably
by synaesthesia
Summary: A different take on the day Sakura told Yukito her feelings.


I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura, I barely own the plot. Another short, one shot. Angst-ridden– the epigraph is from 'Swallow', by Nickelback.

Keep in mind, S+S is my favorite coupling– I was just in the mood for angst. 3 ;x

A different take on what could've happened when Sakura told Yukito how she felt. What if he had said he felt the same, too..? Then, let us continue on with having Toya still have those certain feelings for his best friend, leaving Sakura guilty. Turning to Syaoran, the fateful conversation:

  
  


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PROBABLY–PROBABLY

  
  


_ Tell your friends not to think out loud, until they swallow._

  
  
  


You said it with such ease– was it because you were oblivious to my affections? Still? Tomoyo had been right, had she not..? You were completely naive.

  


– But that's why I love you.

  


You were smiling, sitting on the swing next to me. The quiet that had settled was unnerving, but if I had known what would've broken it, I would have waited by your side in an eternity of silence.

"Today, I told Yukito I loved him," You said.

  


I slowed to a stop beside you, my feet paralyzed.

"Is.. That so?"

  


A great piece of my heart died when you next spoke,

  


"Yes. And, he said he loved me to." I watched your feet as you kicked yourself a little farther back, only to let go and swing foreword.

  


His love doesn't _compare _to mine.

"I know you had loved him once, too–- that's why, everything's easier when I talk it over with you," She paused– and turned to look at me, face contorted with thin lines of distress. The faded a little as she continued on, "And, it's _you_, Syaoran. You always make things better."

Why do you have to say things like that now? Now, when you're confirming your love for _him_?

Why do you keep killing me with every breath you take?

  


"How can I help you— What's wrong?" I looked up; your feet weren't so interesting anymore.

That small smile faded from view, and you took your turn looking down to the ground. 

"My Brother."

Touya?

"He loves Yukito, too." 

  


I wanted to laugh, then. So, it seemed we were both in this dilemma.

"What do I do?"

  


Why are you asking me? 

"I.."

My voice stung in my lungs.

  


I could feel the sky, reading to crash down any moment. It bore on my shoulders.

  


Don't listen to me, Sakura– I'll tell you to forget about Yukito. I'll tell you it's a bad idea.

You don't want that.

".. I.."

You looked so innocent, sitting there. Your mind clouded with shame– your body hunched, leaning on to the links of the chain like a lifeline. Leaning on to me like a lifeline.

_Don't listen to me---_

"I think you should do what's best for you," I lied. "For once. You're always thinking about everyone else.." Except me. Am I ever in your mind?

  


You looked slightly shocked; yes– yes, I had said that, Sakura. I had lied and cursed myself for each word, but I had said it.

  


"Maybe talk to Yukito. Or your brother." Stab, stab, stab with my imaginary knife; my heart would've been unrecognizable in the blood.

There was such a long silence; you're going to let me bleed to death..?

"You're right, Syaoran,"

No, I'm not.

"Touya will understand--" You smiled.

I hope not.

"He will." I heard myself murmur.

Touya, if there were ever a time to be hateful– be it _now._

"Thank you, Syaoran." I saw you out of the corner of my eye, stand. You were observing me quietly, and if I hadn't known of your naivete', I would've thought you were thinking over what had been said, maybe considering how it was affecting me. How could you not have ever notice me blush? As much as I resented my skin's tone it took when you were around, I would've been grateful– so grateful – if one day you stopped and said, 'Could he..?'

But, no. You gave a big smile, eyes shut. "Your so wonderful. I hope the person you like realizes it soon."

I scoffed inwardly, but on the exterior, I mirrored your lips. "Hopefully."

But, truly, what I felt hopeful for was Yukito's own realization that .. 'No, Sakura isn't the one-- Touya's whom I want to be with'. 

No one can love you more than me, Sakura. Didn't you know?

"I'll be here for you, if you need me." I stood along with you, hesitant to reach out.

And yet, at this point in time, I was so caught up in your young beauty, I put a hand to your shoulder.

"Always."

You leaned in to me, and my touch; your cheek was rested on my collar. "Thank you, Syaoran."

  


As I wrapped my arms around you, for what I knew would be the only and last time, I felt my heart scream out; my mind would have rushed to calm it, had I not been so in love at that very moment. So in love with you. Only knowing you in my head.

  


On that day, Sakura ..

  


I died.

  


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End file.
